Boy, was Joshua excited to be there! This was his first invited birthday party, and something about the pink party decorations and the “hot air balloons,” as he called them, told him that this afternoon’s fiesta was a big deal. I set Joshua down and watched him pedal his tiny feet toward his preschool chums with an elated grin on his face.

Then Joshua apprised a bowl of colorful M&M candies perched on an end table next to the living room couch. I intercepted him just as he gathered his first handful. “No, Joshua. These are candy, and candy isn’t good for you,” I reminded him, picking up my son to distract him. The other parents, however, weren’t concerned in the slightest when their children grabbed M&Ms—as well potato chips and pretzels—by the fistful. Their kids also grasped their favorite flavor of boxed juice drinks.

A half-hour later, the Domino’s driver arrived bearing boxes of warm pizza. While the kids and adults attacked the pepperoni-and-cheese pies, heavy on the grease and high in calories, Joshua was content to eat the snacks we had brought along for him. He also grazed on the sliced carrots, purple grapes, and ruby red strawberries set out for the “adults” to eat. I remember thinking, Why would parents assume that their kids wouldn’t eat healthy foods at a birthday party?
 
After Caroline made her wish and blew out three candles, the party began breaking up. Upon their departure, every child received a lovely parting gift—a Batman bag bulging with Tootsie Rolls, lollipops, fruit-flavored Starbursts, Trident gum, Nerd Ropes, Hot Tamales, and Gummy Body Parts candy, which are chewable confections in the grotesque form of tongues, noses, fingers, teeth, and eyeballs.

Nicki and I accepted Joshua’s Batman bag on his behalf, politely thanked the hosts, and dropped the sack of candy into the trash the minute we arrived home. Were we bothered by the goodie bag or the unhealthy foods set out at a birthday party attended by mostly two- and three-year-olds? Well, we were certainly disappointed, but since Nicki and I live in the real world, we realize that is how many families live and eat.

The day after Caroline’s birthday party, I accompanied Joshua to the Palm Beach Zoo, where we stopped by the baby monkey exhibit. Joshua was greatly amused by the antics of the little critters, but what struck me was a prominent sign attached to the enclosure:

Please DO NOT feed us.
We are on special diets.
Your snacks make us sick.

I shook my head at the irony. Parents who wouldn’t dream of feeding innocent baby monkeys a handful of popcorn, potato chips, or M&M’s—because it would have been unhealthy for these primates—had no problem setting out sweet-and-salty junk for my son to munch on at a birthday party.

Maybe the next time Joshua’s invited to a classmate’s birthday celebration, I should hang a similar sign around his small neck that says:

Please DO NOT feed me.
I am on a special diet.
Your snacks make me sick.